How to Forgive in 3 Easy Steps: Your Guide to Freedom
How do you forgive when it seems impossible? If you struggle with how to forgive, here is your guide to releasing the pain and regaining your freedom.
Cue the Braveheart meme: “But they can’t take our FREEDOM!” I couldn’t resist. Sorry, not sorry. But I will spare your eyes from the sight of Mel Gibson in war paint and a kilt.
Ok. Now, let’s get into it.
Table of Contents
- What is Forgiveness?
- The Secret to Forgiveness
- 3 Easy Ways to Forgive Someone Today
- Withholding Forgiveness Blocks Your Manifestations
- My Story of Forgiveness
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What is Forgiveness?
First let’s talk about what forgiveness actually is, and what it’s not.
Forgiveness is an act of love. Not for someone else. But for yourself. It is the ultimate act of self love.
When you forgive, you’re healing yourself. You’re loving yourself enough to take back your power. The power from the one who wronged you. The power you, and you alone, gave that person. Forgiving them is the only way to release the pain these wrongs have caused you.
Forgiveness is freedom! It’s that simple.
People are capable of committing some pretty horrendous acts. But we are also capable of so much love and compassion as well.
There are the people we view as monsters that commit horrible crimes. Things that seem unforgivable. Even our friends and family can hurt us sometimes. But no matter how big or small the offense, we must forgive it all.
People are too wrapped up in their own stories and the events of their own lives to realize what they’re doing. They don’t know any better. They’re like children in grown-up bodies.
So what is it that you need to forgive?
Were you bullied in school?
Cut off in traffic?
Lied to by a friend?
Or maybe the hurt cuts much deeper. Maybe someone stole from you, hurt someone you love, or physically attacked you.
We’re all told to forgive. We know we should.
It’s the right thing to do. Right?
But most of us don’t know how to actually do it. We want to be the bigger person, but we want them to suffer for what they’ve done to us. An eye for an eye.
In actuality, they’ve moved on (and maybe even in some cases are totally unaware that they’ve harmed you).
They’re probably not even thinking about you at all. But you’re stewing over it and reliving it as if it’s still happening to you.
If you’re continuing to hold on to the pain, then you have not released yourself from the chains of the hurt that person caused you. Now, who’s really being punished?
The Secret to Forgiveness
Let it go! Stop reliving it. You must allow yourself to forget.
Forgetting doesn’t mean never being able to recall the event. But as you heal, it will slowly begin to fade from your memory.
You’ll stop bringing it up at parties or thinking about it while you’re brushing your teeth every morning.
The memory is still there, but it won’t keep popping up and replaying in your mind. And then out of your mouth. To everyone you pass on the street.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
By neutralizing the charged emotion that’s attached to the memory, it no longer triggers a reaction. When you don’t react, you’re no longer giving the bad memory energy.
So, if you haven’t released the pain and all the charged emotions attached to what happened, then you’re still holding a grudge.
You’re keeping it alive. Those wicked little feelings of animosity that you’re still holding on to are harming you, not them. Forgiveness doesn’t release them from the guilt that they may, or may not, feel for their perceived “crime.”
You’re not letting them win or being a doormat because you show compassion towards someone for hurting you. And you’re not weak or condoning the act itself either.
You are merely letting it roll off you. Not letting it affect you. You see the person that hurt you for what they truly are — human.
We are all flawed and perfect at the same time. This person has hurt you as you have hurt others, too.
Some hurts seem bigger than others. But I can assure you that at some point in your life no matter how “good” you may be, you have caused someone pain (intentionally or not).
3 Easy Ways to Forgive Someone Today
1. Imagine Them as a Child
Everyone came into this world as a pure and innocent being. So, when you imagine someone as a sweet little child, you begin to see the goodness within them.
And there is good in us all. Sometimes you have to look a little harder to find it. But it’s there.
You have no idea what that person has been through in their lifetime, the challenges they’ve faced, or events that have molded them into who they are now — the person that hurt you.
But that child is still in there. And when we picture them as that sweet, innocent child, it makes it a lot easier to have compassion for the things they’ve done.
And to forgive them.
2. Forgive Yourself
Cultivate some self-love. And remember that your role is not to judge or condemn others.
We all make mistakes. If you can’t allow yourself to make mistakes, how are you going look passed someone else’s?
So, stop beating yourself up. Learn to forgive yourself. It makes it a lot easier to forgive others.
RELATED: How To Love Yourself: Self-Love Is Your Key To Happiness
3. Trust the Universe
There’s an infinite intelligence that flows through the universe and orchestrates all of life. There is a plan. Everything happens for a reason — even the bad stuff.
It’s hard to see when you’re going through a hard time in your life, but in hindsight, you know this to be true. When the dust settles, you realize it was all for the best.
You’re stronger, and better somehow, for having gone through the dark times.
Maybe the universe is trying to teach you something. To force you to grow. Or maybe it’s leading you somewhere.
You’re only capable of seeing life from your tiny, human point of view. There’s a bigger picture that only the powers that be can see.
So, trust the universe.
Now that you know how to forgive, let’s look at an important reason why you should forgive.
Withholding Forgiveness Blocks Your Manifestations
Did you know forgiveness is a powerful tool in your manifestation toolbox?
That’s right. As we all know, the Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. And we also know that everything in this universe is energy. Every person, place, and thing vibrates at a different frequency (or vibration).
That means that your desire and even your emotions vibrate at a particular frequency. Emotions such as anger, blame, envy, and hate vibrate at low frequencies.
And what does that mean? It simply means that they attract more of the same. More anger, hate, and negativity. So, when you refuse to forgive someone and hold on to the pain, you can’t attract the desires you’re trying to manifest because they’re vibrating at a higher frequency.
In other words, you’re not a vibrational match to your desire. So, withholding your forgiveness is actually blocking your manifestations.
I’d say that’s a pretty good reason to be the bigger person and let bygones be bygones.
Because when you forgive those that have hurt you, you boost your vibrational frequency and, in turn, your super attractor manifestation power.
What else may be blocking your manifestations? If you’re having trouble manifesting what you want, check out my article on 10 Ways to Boost Your Manifestation Power and Accuracy.
My Story of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner.
– Max Lucado
When I was growing up, it was fairly common practice to discipline children by physical force. If you misbehaved in our house, you got spanked, smacked, or whipped with a belt. That’s just how things were back then. And sometimes tempers were lost and things went beyond that.
My dad played the role of the disciplinarian — which lead me to build up a lot of anger towards him. I now see that what happened wasn’t his fault. But it took me many years to come to that conclusion.
He had been disciplined by his parents the same way he disciplined us — sometimes worse. He had been conditioned to do those things. And so had his parents.
Withholding Forgiveness Doesn’t Make You Strong
None the less, I swore I’d never be like him. But the pain I carried around didn’t push me to be better than my dad. It had the opposite effect. I had a huge chip on my shoulder and became volatile with a huge (let me say it again, H-U-G-E) temper.
It affected so many aspects of my life. The anger kept me trapped in an endless loop of bad relationships, low self-esteem, poor choices, and fear of getting close to people.
I had built some pretty big walls around myself, and my heart. Those walls needed to come down.
But how?
I knew I had to forgive my dad. It was the only way I was going to move forward. I wasn’t hurting him by being angry. He didn’t even know how I felt. I was the prisoner, not him.
I thought I was being strong by telling myself that I was over it. It was no big deal.
My story isn’t tragic.
Lots of people growing up at that time had similar stories.
But apparently it was a big deal, and I hadn’t let it go. I was just stuffing it deep down inside.
My ‘Aha’ Moment
Something changed for me when I heard the story of how my grandfather died in my dad’s arms. My grandfather had a heart attack when my dad was only 10 years old. Can you imagine?
I was confronted with the fact that my dad’s childhood may have left him with some scars that needed healing too. Not only had he been disciplined the same way (although to a harsher degree), but he had also witnessed the death of his father.
At that moment, the man I thought I knew disappeared. He wasn’t the jerk I had created in my head. He wasn’t a jerk at all. Instead, I saw him as a hurt child that at such a young age had experienced something so unimaginable and traumatic. No one should ever have to experience that.
I saw his innocence and his humanity. I felt the pain he must’ve gone through. How scared he must’ve been, and how strong he had to be. I imagined him as a scared little boy that had just lost his dad, and I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and love him.
When I looked at him through the eyes of compassion, forgiveness just washed over me. And that was it. All the blame and anger just melted away. I admired and loved him (for the first time in a long time).
I didn’t need an apology. We didn’t even need to talk about it. I had freed myself from the anguish, guilt, shame, and rage that plagued me for so long.
I’ve made the same mistakes as my dad, and many that are all my own. But I have forgiven it all. They were just lessons we needed to learn.
The past no longer had a hold on me. I was free. In forgiving what happened, I’m not condoning the behavior. I’m only seeing the man for what he truly is – human.
“Forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Forgiveness is an Act of Love
Let me say it loud and clear. I love my dad! Once I was able to forgive the past, I saw him in a different light. I saw him with compassion. I saw him as a man who loved me dearly and did his best to give me the life he never had.
He is an amazingly strong person with a huge heart. Family is everything to him, and he’d give you the shirt off his back. He is not perfect. He has his flaws just like anyone else.
Just like you and me.
We all have wounds to heal. Instead of reacting with anger towards someone’s misguided actions, try seeing them as a child that just needs a hug.
BONUS TIP: Opening and healing the Heart Chakra can be an immensely powerful way to let love into your life and forgive others. Be sure to read How to Open the Heart Chakra and Unlock Your Desires to learn just how to do that. Plus, as an added healing tool, I’ve included a free Heart Chakra Affirmations printable in that post as well.
Well, That’s It Folks
Do you have a story of forgiveness you’d like to share? Let me know in the comments. Let’s learn from each other.
And if you have a question for me or a topic you would like me to share, send me an email and let me know. Thanks, y’all!
RELATED POST: 3 Reasons to Forgive Someone Today
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